Just Another Day at the Office
by Kita chan
Summary: "Geordi. This is Riker we need you on the bridge. Data just puked." Co-written With Lightdragon1987, and major ooc.
1. Chapter 1

**Just Another Day at the Office**

Prologue

It was a normal day. Picard should have known from the begging that things were going to good to be true for the Enterprise.

Data came on to the bridge and took his shift position. As his hands flew over the panel as he sat down, a strange look came over his face. For a moment, it looked as if the android was surprised, almost complete shocked. He heaved forward in half a second and grabbed at his chest. After a loud retching noise that came out of him and he fell to the side of the chair. On all fours the android felt the closest he could to fear, not sure what was wrong with himself and the bridge staff coming to his aid. He felt Troi touch his shoulder as something came up a tract he was sure he didn't completely have. In fact it should not have existed because usually he had no need for it. As he fell back onto his behind, and took a good look at the mass of wires that had elected to release themselves from him. They were wet, and gray in color. The crew stood around it, as two prods began to rise up within the wires. Two robotic eyes peered around for a second, looking at the crew around it before moving rather quickly to an access port and disappeared into the bowels of the ship.

Riker was the first to speak after a few moments of awkward silence. "Okay....what the hell was that?"

"I do not know," was all Data could say, "I hope it was not anything I needed."

"Geordi. This is Riker we need you on the bridge. Data just puked."

"WHAT?!"The combadge responded it.

Picard rubbed his forehead. It was going to be another long day at the office.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter One

A/n: We own nothing other then some tribbles. Clearly this didn't happen in the show but we feel it may have been a lost, (Just kidding, Though when Q makes Data laugh in deja Q I did think he was going to puke... but I don't think I was the only one.). This has been brought to you by Lightdragon1987 and Kita chan. And sugar lots of sugar. Also, if you don't have a sense of Humor, or can't handle people poking a little fun at something you like....then you should go find another fic to read.

Data watched the tricorder as Geordi ran it around the link up that was spourting from his head. He sat with his hands in his lap, fingers Laced as Picard paced in front of the two in engineering. Picard stopped, and look at Data, "You can't think of anything to explain this?"

"I am sorry Capitan. I have thought through my day and I have gone about my usual routine." Data replied. "Although vomiting is not part of my usual routine."

"Geordi?" Picard asked, the question hanging in the air.

"Everything is coming up normal Capitan. I have no explanations for him....up chucking." Geordi said, "All his systems are coming up normal." He leaned over the computer table.

"Data there must be some cause for this. Did you pass any experiments? Anything at all?" Picard getting as close to begging as he ever did. This was his science officer, one of his people. He needed answers!

"I did enter on Wesley's experiment though it did not seem like it could cause this." Data frowned.

"Why didn't you say so earlier?" Geordi asked.

"I really don't believe it caused this."

"We need to check it out anyway," Picard taped his com, "Wesley report to engineering."

The doors opened and Worf and Riker entered.

"Sir, the vomit has been moving through the ship and absorbing parts of it. We have been unable to contain it." Worf informed them.

Picard nodded, "I want in contained as soon as possible." He said, and Worf turned to disappear back into the hall.

The three turned as the doors opened and a confused Wesley entered.

"Sit down Mr. Crusher we have a few questions for you."

"What was the experiment you where working on when Data entered?"

"A basic lab experiment for class." He said, "Just taking common fungi and running an electric current though it and charting the results."

"Did you do anything else? Maybe around the time Data threw up?" Riker asked.

"No, sir. I wasn't even near the experiment when that happened."

"What were you doing Wesley?" Picard asked.

"I rather not say, Sir."

"Wesley this could be important," Geordi added.

Wesley had grown more uncomfortable as the conversation continued. His face changed from a light pink growing redder. His palms sweated. He couldn't make eye contact. He fidgeted in his seat slightly resisting the urge to make a break for the door. There were two things stopping him. One Picard would think this was his fault. Two Picard would shoot him if this was his fault. "I was not doing anything with the experiment. I was not starting another experiment and I don't think there was any way that what I was doing affected Commander Data in any way."

"Wesley if you tell us what you were doing we can eliminate you as a suspect," Riker said as gently as possible. The kid was shaking in his boots from the death glares Picard was giving off. If Wesley didn't tell them soon the Captain was likely to blow up.

"Sir, Please I wasn't doing anything that would affect anyone, least of all Commander Data."

"Damn it Wesley!" Picard yelled, "I've had enough, just tell us what you were doing."

Wesley looked at the captain then the floor, his hands slowly going to is face, "I'm a teenage boy. I don't really have friends my own age and no girls like me. What do you think I was doing? Please don't make me say it. Please."

"Sir I believe he was —" Data started before Geordi broke him off.

"We know Data. Don't make it harder on the kid."

"Can I go now?" Wesley asked. Talking into his hands refusing to look at them.

~*~*~*~*~*

Worf and some security ensign were climbing through the Jefferies tubes, phaser drawn. As they slide through to a wide gird. The three of them were able to stand up and saw it. A small creature that was curled around an excess port. It was almost humanoid looking, a bunch of wires pressed up against the port, and seemed to be growing from the port. It turned to peer at the group and looked at them.

"On my mark," Worf commanded, "Fire!"

Instead of the expected phaser fire a stream of confetti flew from the phasers resulting in a giggle like noise from the creature.

"Now Worf I can't have you hurting my child." Q said as he flashed into existence.

Worf tapped his combadge. "Captain, I believe I have found the cause to Commander Data's problem."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Two

A/n: Sorry about the short chapter. We are a little stuck on where we want to go with it, but we wanted to post something so that you all didn't think we were blowing you off or dead. Glad you all like it and that we haven't gotten people bent out of shape about it.

Riker could not help but stare at the wet mass of wires that had it arms, if you could call them that, wrapped around Q. It was black and wet, reminding the first officer of the first time he had ever made noodles. It had no face, and seemed to just have eyes that were yellow like Data's. What was more interesting about this creature is that it did not seem to have legs. It just moved on a mass of wires.

Ricker believed this fact is what reminded him of the first time he tried to make noodles. At five it was an epic failure. The Captain had a similar look on his face making Riker wonder if the Captain had ever tried to make noodles and ended up with Data's puke. "So what is that thing?" He said, pointing to the mass of wires.

"It is my baby." Q said, patting it on the head and wiping his hand from the slime. He made an odd face but shrugged his shoulders.

"How is that your baby if it came out of Data?" Picard asked.

"It takes two to tango Picard," Q smiled and sent a wink at Data.

Data just stared at both Q and the baby puke thing.

"You impregnated my science officer against his will!" Picard roared at Q.

"No, no no no, mon capitan, I just wanted to see what would happen if your tinker toy would do if he got sick. It appears that it is a sentient being." Q said, "I just like to think of it as my baby since I made it happen."

"Do you really expect me to believe you didn't know this would happen?" Picard demanded.

"Picard, I know what happens in every mulitiverse. There were many ways that it could have ended, I just happened to pick the one at random."

"Q that doesn't change Data accentually gave birth to that life form." Picard growled.

"I didn't put it there. It just happened to be there." Q looked down at the mess of wires, "Has his mother's eyes doesn't he?"

"Its a he? How can you tell?" Riker asked.

"I just assume, it would be like its mother and decide to be a boy." Q took a closer look at it, "Other wise I can't tell."

"You said it happened to be there would that mean Data always had the mass of potentially sentient wires in him?" Geordi asked.

"It would appear so." Data said after a while.

"Only you...only you Data." Riker said, face palming.

"I sure you I did not know I had that in me." Data said staring at the mass, "May I hold it?"

"Data it did try to eat the ship. I don't think that would be a good idea." Geordi pointed out.

"But if it is my child would it really try to absorb me?"

"Data, that is a mass of wires."

"That is not true." Data said, starting to whine. "It is my baby."

"Data...Are you whining?" He asked, then looked at Geordi, "Is that possible?"

"You just do not under my feelings...either of you do!" Data said, storming away.

"Now that..." Q said, "Was amusing."

"What did you do to my science officer!" Picard demeaned again.

~*~*~*~*~*~

They where seated at the ready room. Deana was the focus, "I have spoken with Data and he appears to be suffering from postpartum depression."

Riker tried to hold in his laughter it, but it just came bubbling out of him.

"Commander." Picard said in a warning tone.

"Sorry...it is just a list of things that you would never thought that would be said, Our male android, that has no emotions, has a female emotions problem." Riker laughed and Geordi began to as well.

"I agree, it's just not something you would think Data would have." Geordi added.

"Be that as it may this is a serious issue. I'm not sure how to help him." Deana informed them, "If it were a normal child it would be easier, because it's stemming from the fact Data can't hold it."

"And I am not sure what to do, being that the person who has this problem can punch a hole through the ship. So you shouldn't be laughing at him about it." Picard said, as the two officers fought their giggles.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Three

A/n: So yea, sorry it has been so long, computer problems, crashed hard drive, school, 3 papers due on the same day, and finals, we have been a little busy. Far warning, little out of character, but we kinda just realized we were a parody of bad fan fiction. There for, the vomit. Makes a little more sense now.

Geordi rubbed his forehead above his visor, "I told you we shouldn't have gone in there with a joke."

"I thought it would get him to relax."

"Why he doesn't have a scenes of humor. He never has."

"Well I thought since he has this emotional problem, he'd get one to balance things out." Riker sighed before banging on the door again, "Come on Data come out."

"No." A muffled voice from within.

"Oh it isn't that bad, let the two of us come in already." This had been going on for an hour and Picard had said that they couldn't come back to the bridge without Data. "Picard needs you on the bridge, and don't you go on about maternity leave again, you don't count."

"That is why you can not come in. You continue to make fun off me." Data paused, "Tori said I was having an emotional break, therefore I am relived of duty."

"Would you listen to yourself, you don't have emotions, and it's a bunch of wires it, looks nothing like a baby," Riker shouted at the door.

"You take that back." The voice behind the door became to sound a little angry.

"Why don't you come out here and make me!" Riker shouted, rolling his eyes, over this whole thing. That was until, the banging and the crashing coming to the toward the door. "Oh SHIT!" He said, taking off running.

Geordi was left in the hall as the door slided open, revealing a very, very pissed off looking android. Geordi was a little afraid. "Which way did he go?" Data asked, and Geordi pointed in the opposite direction, a little to afraid to speak. After all, he wasn't the one that told Data to come out here and make him do anything.

"Thank you Geordi," Data paused. Before running off after where he thought Riker had fled to.

Geordi took a long breath before going after Riker. After all, he had to protect his commanding officer, no matter how big of a mouth he has.

Geordi found Riker in a turbo lift, heading toward the bridge, "You think he is gonna find me?" He asked, out of breath.

"I don't know Riker, find you on the bridge, why would you be there? It's not like it's your station or anything."

"Seriously,"

"Well hopefully, he will have a crying fit and forget all about it."

"God that was scary."

"Well, why did you have to go and piss him off."

"I was just following orders." Riker said, with a shit eating grin.

"I don't remember Picard saying anything about pissing Data off, in fact he said not too and all we had to do was get him on the bridge."

"Hey if he's after me and I'm supposed to be on the bridge we succeed!"

"And who do you think would win in a fight, Data or Worf?"

"Damn it ." Riker said as the Turbolift doors opened to the bridge.

On the view screen was an unwelcoming site. A borg Cube. "Well," Geordi said, "I am gald I got up in the morning for this."

"I think I would rather face Data right now."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Four

A/N: I got to say, your all reviews are a crack up. I am glad you all are enjoying it? Question mark? Although I wonder about how how a Borg cube would be welcoming. I think of it just as icing on a cake. Evil deathly Icing, but Icing none the lest. Bet no one is reading this, I am not wearing any pants. And we got a plot. Scary isn't it? I mean, we didn't think anyone would read this. Let alone it has a plot. Sorry about the late chapter, school gets in the way. Also, any funny jokes you want to see in this, let us know and we will see if we can work it in. We will give credit, because I am not an asshole to real people. Just fake characters on TV.

"Well...What a welcoming site." Geordi muttered and wondered how his day had gotten this bad.

Well, it haven't started out that great to begin with. It must have started when he got up. After all, it had been a standard morning. The lights had come up in his room, not that he could tell with out his visor, and then there was that damn recording. Star Fleet liked to wake their officers with nature sounds. While they changed them out every day, some birds were more god awful to hear than others. Specially when they are being eaten by a large beast that grunts and huffs in an odd sexual way. One of his ensigns must have found this hysterical but that was not a way that Geordi liked to start his morning.

As the beast was doing something that had to be illegal, he reached for his visor off the bed stand to find, well, nothing. "Dammit." He muttered to himself, sitting up and rubbing his face. After fishing around for about five minutes searching for his visor. He found it, in his potted plant, damn Ensigns, and tripping over the small rug he had gotten on some off world market, he made it in the bathroom.

After an event trip with, well, his razor, don't ask, you don't want to know, Geordi La Forge, chief engineer of the Enterprise made it to his post. And what a mess it was. Some Ensigns were gathered around the main computer table, fear on their faces. 'Oh great,' Geordi thought, 'What the hell have these idiots done now.' Stepping over to the group, and the one Lt. Jenkins standing over them, rubbing his forehead.

"Well, Lt. Jenkins, what is going on?" He asked, and Jenkins look down.

"It is another Language. And we can't read it sir. And we don't know which one it is. And we can't figure out how to change it back. Ensign Louis was the one who did it."

"Louis you've got some explaining to do," Geordi shouted. The small ensign cringed at the sound of his voice and tried to hide from getting yelled at.

"I just tried to do my job." He said in a small voice.

"And?"

"And the screen freaked out."

Geordi shook his head, and a few moments with in the screen he had it back to the way it was before. "Pay attention to what you are doing." He muttered, and the group of ensigns seemed to crowd around it like he was some magical god. He looked at Lt. Jenkins who seemed to be mirroring his look of amazement.

Jenkins seemed to mirrior his thought, "I don't understand it either sir." He said, looking down, "I often wonder if trained monkeys would be better."

"Me too, Lt. Jenkins, me too."

Geordi's combadge woke up, Riker's voice said, "Geordi. This is Riker,"No shit, Geordi thought, "We need you on the bridge. Data just puked."

The two officers staring at each other, Lt. Jenkins' mouth formed into an unspoken 'how?' Geordi just tapped his badge with a loud, "WHAT?!"

It was followed with a made dash to the bridge and brief thoughts of when the hell did he become a janitor, because while it was his job to fix Data, he was sure that didn't mean cleaning up his puke.

So while finding out he didn't necessarily have to clean up the puke he had to make sure his friend didn't kill his commanding officer because said commanding officer is a dumb ass. Seriously, who but Riker would piss off an emotional android?

And that was the morning. Now he was staring down a Borg ship that was looked as if it was about to fire at him. This was the worst day ever.

The turbo lift behind Geordi and Riker opened, producing two ensign with a sobbing Data on their arms. "We found him on c-deck. Between the science lab and one of bathrooms on deck." They said, just dumping him on the higher ranking officers. The red alert alarm was going off and Data was muttering about how it wasn't fair and nothing would ever make his life complete.

The Borg ship on the screen seemed to warp, and then melt into a War Bird and then again into another star fleet star ship. It settled on a octopus jellyfish combo-creature.

"What in the world?" Riker asked, dropping Data in a chair on the bridge, who didn't seem phased and continued to rant inconsolably. Geordi moved next to Worf on the con, who was also unphased, but consolable if the occasion called for it. But Worf was bother by nothing. Unless it was getting shot. But that would just make him angry.

"Looks like we are bring up old sensory logs. At random." Geordi said, wishing that it was just a Borg ship than more work for his crew. Or this could be opportunity to convince Picard that trained monkeys could fix the ship faster then most of his staff,"It seems like a third of the computer core is just gone."

"Captain," A random ensign voice came over the comadge, "The blob has escaped."

"My Baby!" Data said, getting to his feet then turning onto Riker, "This is all your fault."

"My Fault, how?! I didn't make it go binge on the computer core!"

"It did not like how you were talking about it."

"Data, I have no idea what you are talking about. But I need you to focus," Riker said, putting his hands on the android's shoulders, "Why would it go after the computer core?"

Data paused, thought for a moment, and he looked back up at him, "Perhaps it needs energy to function, but unlike myself, has no way to make that energy, so it is just trying to find a way to get the energy, or food, to do so. It must find the computer core a suitable source."

Riker took a long sigh, "Thank your for focusing, now how do we stop it?"

Data took a longer pause, before looking back up at him, "Find a different food source!" He said, happily, which was more unnerving than the murderous rage he had about an hour ago. "Like mother's milk!"

Riker looked hard at him, "Data, sit down."

"Well I could-"

"No! Sit." The android did what he was told and sat back down. Riker shutter at the image in his head and hoped that next shore-leave he could drink it away.

Picard just sat in his chair, rubbing his forehead, thinking, these are the people I picked for my crew. "CAN SOMEONE TURN THAT DAMN ALARM OFF!"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Five

Picard rubbed his forehead, wondering how in the span of five mintues, Data had gone from being happily sitting in a chair talking to Troi to choking Riker. Granted, if Riker had made a comment like that about his parent skills and offspring, he was not sure if he would have reacted much differently. Worf and Geordi were on the Androids arms not really doing much of anything. 'Well.' Picard thought, 'Where did this all go wrong?'

"From the beginning," Q said, appearing in the seat next to him, with star fleet uniform on.

"Well Q since that was inner dialog I wasn't asking you."

"Sure Picard, what ever helps you sleep better at night."

"HELP!" Squeeked out of Riker like he was being hit with a squeeky hammer.

Q rolled his eyes, "Must I do everything." He flipped his wrist and a cupcake appeared. "Data, look what I have for you!"

Riker was dropped like a sack of potatoes and Data was happily sitting at Q's feet, munching away. "See," Q said, patting the Android on the top of the head, "Was it really that hard?"

"We can't all make cupcakes appear out of thin air." Riker gasped.

"Replicators." Geordi word vomited. He was engrossed in watching Data devourer the cupcake like he was a wild animal. "How is that thing Data?"

"Better than Sex." The Android word vomited back.

"You've had sex?"

"Yeah with Tash. Never-mind. Cupcake!"

A moments later Data was looking down at his empty hands, "My Cupcake went away."

"Anyways," Worf said as Data began to wail about how everything leaves him. "Captain, I believe we should get to the problem at hand."

"Yes, Captain, I believe that would be for the greater good." Troi said.

"Oh yes, listen to the woman that 'Knows' Everything." Data said, launching into a rant, "And, has to make comments on everything thing. Well Troi, How do the engines work?" He didn't wait for her to answer, "Oh, you do not know? Oh what about we were are in the star charts, oh can not at this point, because you are a head doctor. Well, just like to point out you are pining over a man that will sleep with anything that has a skirt and is a complete boob when it comes to anything less. HELL! I am more useful in this state than you are on the best day of you life. I can still do my job even if you do have to feed me cupcakes. I can even come up with a way to get the computer core to work even with half of it missing. You know why? I am that awesome and Geordi is very helpful with fixing problems the rest of you could never understand! Everyone here knows it and is way too nice to say it. But I can't take it any more. Go back to your box Troi and get off my damn bridge."

"DATA!" Picard shouted and the Android shrink back, "This is MY bridge and you can not kick anyone off it."

Troi got up from her chair, "It is okay...I had some things to do in my office....paperwork, yea paperwork. You know half the crew is crazy after all." She said before dashing out of the room.

Riker broke the awarkward slience that followed Troi, "Who is Troi pining for?"

"Are you really that stupid?" Q asked, "I wanted to make you a Q? What was I thinking."

"You liked me for some reason at the time, but I think I have hit my head too many times since then." Riker paused, "Other then that I'm not sure. To mess with the Captain maybe?"

"Alright that is enough. Data you had mentioned you could get the computer working. I want you and Gerodi to get it fixed. Mr. Worf find that Damned creature now! Number one get off the floor I shouldn't have to say it. Help Mr. Worf and if I hear one more comment from you that antagonizes Mr. Data I will relive you of duty. Are we Clear?

"Yes Sir." All of them answered.

The four of the squeezed into the turbolift. Data looked over at Geordi, "You should go with Worf and Riker Geordi, I will be able to handle the computer core, I have done it before."

"Are you sure Data?" Riker asked and Data sent him a glare.

"Yes. I have had a cupcake, SIR. I am in perfect working order, and if you have a problem with it, we can bring it up to Picard if you like."

"No Data, it is fine."

"Good. Try not to kill my baby. I am watching you Worf." Data walked out of the turbo lift backwards his right hand pointing at his eyes then flicking his wrist to indicate Worf. Mouthing "I'm watching you."

"Commander Data has lost his mind has he not?" Worf asked out loud.

"Yes he has. Yes he has." Riker nodded absentmindedly.

"You weren't at the briefing?" Geordi asked.

"I was not. I was hunting the noodle monster."

"Oh, well Data has postpartum depression."

"That explains so much. He is not as bad as a Kliong woman. We had to ritually kill such a woman. It was the only way. Fortunately it dose not happen often."

"Dude, that is harsh man." Riker said.

"She will kill all the people in the village, it is for the best." Worf answered.

"See, this is why you need to stop pissing off Data." Geordi said. Q appeared in full Rambo gear, and with a snap, the other three were dress in it as well. "Well, this is different." Geordi said, looking at his AK-47.

"Let's go hunt some Commies Boys!" Q said, using a strange voice, a mix between Brad Pitt and William Defoe.

"Well, this is only going to end in fail." Geordi said, rubbing his forehead.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Six

a/n: Finals and Life tried to kill us. But we smacked them around. So here is the next, fucked up chapter. Glad you all are enjoying it. And this is totally our update. Totally. When did we get stuck on totally.

Geordi wondered why it seemed to take longer to get from point A to point B then usual, because turbo implies fast. Perhaps it was just being in the lift with Riker, Worf and Q. Or just Q in general because he had been in the lift with the other two before. Yeah it was Q. And his choice of conversation lacked something to be desired.

"And in one multiverse, you and Picard are dating," Q said, talking to Riker while leaning on his gun, "It is so damn cute just because he seems to own you like one owns a Dog."

"I'm not a dog. And can we talk about something else. I think of him like a father in _this_ Universe." Riker focused on the wall ahead of him refusing to look at anyone. He seemed to stress need for a change of topic. This one had been wearing on him for a while.

"And you love it when he pounds you. You are such a catcher." Q said, just driving the point home more. Worf was cracking a smile that almost made Geordi burst out laughing.

"Stop it," Riker said, crossing his arms.

"You even call him daddy."

"Look I don't care if you are a omnipotent being. In this Universe I'm not being Fucked by Picard. So shut the fuck up!" It finally got to him, thought Geordi, may Q will drop it if we are lucky.

"Did I strike a nerve?" Q asked, and turned to Worf, "Good news, you aren't gay in any of them."

"I suppose that is good news." Worf said, and Geordi repaired for what he knew was coming his way. After all, he had just spent the last ten minutes listening to Q fuck around with Riker.

"And you-" Q started.

"Are totally banging Data, just because if he was on top, I would be crushed," Geordi shrugged, "It is what it is. Or I die alone." He reasoned that this is what Q was going to tell him, glad he wasn't first because if he was he would be pissed like Riker. This statement seems to get Riker to at least crack a smile.

"Does Data even have an anus to bang." Riker asked and Geordi rolled his eyes.

"It appears so. Sir."

"That seems like an odd thing to give an android. And I don't think I want to be sir'd during this."

"Makes him seem more normal," Geordi offered.

"Yea...but I don't think he have to take a poo."

"Are we three?"

"Dude," Riker got a shit eating grin, "Do you have to give him a prostate exam or does Crusher do it?"

"Wow." Q said, "Got to just take the fun out of everything...mmmm...Well, Data seems to end up with really hot chicks, just so you all know." He said, and Riker finally looked at someone in the lift.

"Really?" Riker asked, surprised. "Even with the anus?"

"Smoking. It is crazy, I tell you what."

The doors opened and the hall was dark. "Crap, it has taken the lights out." Riker said, lifting up his gun.

Geordi tapped his com, "We are in the dark down here, is there anyway to return lights to deck 13?"

"At the moment no. Deal with it on your own." Data responded.

"Wow he's bitchy." Ricker commented.

"Dude. You do have brain damage." Geordi countered.

"So, does not change the fact he is being bitchy. And how do you know I have brain damage?" He said, as they heard something move in the shadows. "It is here!" Rikers said, turning himself around.

"If only we had sticky tape." Geordi muttered, lifting up his flash light.

"Where did you get that?" Riker asked.

"I have one on my belt. For the work I do." he said, looking all around the hallway.

"What is that suppose to mean?" Riker said, as something launched toward him. A mass of wires that was on top of him. He tried to fight it up and was shouting.

Worf wanted to laugh, Riker had this coming, "Stun." He said, taking aim.

"No! It's touching me!"

**Snap** lights came back on and their guns where back to normal. Riker shot the Wire thing. It launched off and into a pile in the corner. It was different now. It seems to be growing more human looking. With jet black skin and yellow eyes, it looked like a demon. "WHAT THE HELL?" It said in a robotic voice before darting off into some corner.

"Did....did it just speak?" Riker said, as Worf helped him to his feet.

"Might have been Q messing with us." Worf totally said.

"I hope it was Q messing with us. Can you imagine Data if he find out it can talk?" Geordi said.

"It can talk!" Data's voice echoed off the com badge.

'Fuck.' They all thought, "Which one of you was touching your badge." Riker asked.

"Not me." Geordi said.

"Nor I." Worf shrugged.

"Then who?" They turned to look at Q who had his hand over his com-badge on the star fleet uniform.

"Sorry, Sweetie." Q said, "I was just messing with everyone."

Data's voice began to go on rant on how everyone hates him and that nothing ever goes right and they were headed for a warp core breech.

"Data," Geordi said, "Could you repeat the last one?"

"We are heading to warp core breech." Data said, in a voice that totally made anyone who heard it feel like they were stupid.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Seven

Author Note: See, we have a semi normal schedule. Bad news only TWO more chapters. Good news we are planing a sequel. Be afraid, be very afraid. Thanks for the laughs we know you are wondering how well rap this up and top it with the next one. With a bow.

Data enjoyed being the center of attention. 'About damn time.' he thought. He knew that in most cultures that when a woman gives birth, that they, and the infant that they had, were dotted upon. Now he had the attention, he just need to get the infant.

Gerodi looked over the readings of the warp core. "It doesn't seem to be off, just that the monkeys I call a crew changed the settings on the engines."

"Ah. The computer core must have miss read what the out put was." He looked towards Riker, who was leaning on the wall, "It seems to be in working order."

"At least something around here is." Riker half muttered, "Riker to Picard, the engine is back to ACK!" Riker tried to get out of the way of the flying android.

"DATA! GET OFF HIM!" Geordi shouted, trying to pull the android off his commanding officer.

"He made a crack about me, and I am sick of him pushing me around all the time!"

"DATA! He is your commanding officer, they are asses like that."

"What crack did he make sir?" Worf asked as he tried to remove Data from Riker.

"I am not broken. I am in perfect working order. How dare he continue to make comments about me like this!" Data ranted ignoring the Klingon on his arm.

"Data...is that why you are choking him?" Worf patted his arm, "Commander Riker needs to breathe, So Picard can punish him."

"You are right Worf!" Data said happily. He relased Riker who promptly fell on his ass, gasping for air.

'I have to stop pissing Data off.' He thought, 'If only he wasn't so unpredictable.'

The Sounds of the Red alert brought them to some form of sense. "What now?" Geordi asked.

"Didn't we disable those?" Data asked.

"What is the baby doing now?" Riker asked.

"Do I look like I have the answers?" Worf retorted.

"I'm sorry it was a general question." Riker still trying to catch his breath, "I would ask the computer, but it is broken, unlike Data who is in perfect working order, thank God."

"Thank you Commander!" Data said, not seeing that Riker was being a smartass. "TO THE BRIDGE!" Data shouted with a Finger in the air and a heroic pose. Then he darted out of the room, leaving the three men to wonder what was really wrong with him.

"Do you think this could be one of Q's tricks?" Worf asked.

"We can hope so." Geordi nodded solemnly, "Because I have no idea how I would fix it."

"Geordi, please only one of us needs to almost be killed by Data." Riker looking around nervously, "We need to chose our words carefully. And yes I know that really only applies to me, but now that I have pissed him off so much he may attack others out reflex."

"We should go protect a few Ensign then." Worf said, "Because they are broken, and are unsure how to use their word choice carefully, like you sir."

"Thank you." Riker said, thinking about what would happened if he slapped Worf...Bad things, and the old debate of who would mess him up more, Worf or Data came to mind.

Data came galloping in on a black stallion with a red main.

"Sir?" Worf the only one with the power to face the strange and speak.

"Q gave it to me. It used to be an Ensign" Data was all smiles.

"Command track?" Riker gave a shit eating grin, "Can I ride it with you Data?"

"Do you promise to stop making comments about my baby?" Data glared.

"I promises. I will ride behind you, arms around you and never make a joke about your baby again." Riker crossed his heart as he spoke and hoped he wouldn't die.

Data glared for a few more second then brighten up, "OKAY! We will ride to Picard together."

"Sweet." Riker said, and with that the two rode off to the Bridge. Geordi and Worf looked at each other, unsure of what to say.

"I have got to see this. You coming?" Geordi asked, looking back at Worf as he was about to leave the room.

"Picard's reaction should be... interesting." Worf said, and with that they were off to the bridge.

After an eventful trip with a turbo-lift and a wombat, Worf and Geordi made it to the bridge. To see a very very unhappy Picard, an unsure horse, a bemused Data and a hurt Riker.

"Data, get this horse off my bridge." Picard said, calmly.

"But he is an ensign, and it is almost time for his bridge shift." Data said, still on top of the horse, "I don't want to make him late."

Riker patted Data on the leg, "I understand why he can't make it. After all, it is not every day Ensign Ricky gets turned into a horse."

Picard glared at his first officer, "I will deal with you later. I have a War Bird there shooting at us, a Horse on my bridge and Data's Baby in the depths of my ship eating away."

"I know where my baby is." Data said, looking all proud of himself. "I made sure he is were he is suppose to be."

They all stared at him, before Troi spoke up, "And where is that, Data?"


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Eight

a/n: Next chapter, sorry so late and kinda short, but the last one will be bitching.

"Here!" Data skipped into the recreation room. He had a band of not so merry men following him with phasers at the ready. They all had the incite to not let Data know they where set to kill. Ensign Ricky had been left at the bridge, despite Picard's angry rant about his bridge not being a coral.

There in the center of the room, was Q and the squid child were gathered around a small glowing screen, hunched over a small controllers. "Son of-" Q muttered to himself, as the small being jumped to what would be called his feet, the mass of the wires, and did a small dance. Clearly, it had won. As it locked eyes with the first Ensign that was pointing a phaser at him. He ducked behind Q and taking a hissing position. Two thin wires came through what would be his lips, and the ensign panicked.

"IT HUNGERS FOR HUMAN BLOOD!" The Ensign shouted, and ran from the room. The other ensigns rolled their eyes. They had become used to this kind of thing.

Riker shot them a look. One braved an answer, "He is the new guy."

"Ah, okay then." Riker said, looking at Data, "What is with-" As he turned back to the console in the room, his eyes filled with glee, and he got in touch with his inter Paris. "Is that an X-Box 360?"

"You better believe it is," Q gave his own version of a shit eating grin, "Don't tell me a high ranking commanding officer and probably football jock has as an inner geek."

"Okay I wont tell you." Riker smiles, "Can I play? Please."

"I suppose, I'm tired of my child beating me anyway. Hacks like his mother"

"I do not cheat." Data said, crossing his arms. "Well, here is my baby." Data looked at Riker, waiting for some kind of reward.

"Man, I haven't seen one of those in years. My room mate in the academy had one, his mom was a professor and had one for classes. She stopped letting us play with it when...well, we are not gonna talk about that."

There was a long pause. "Didn't Picard want this..." One of the ensigns had braved to talk, found himself unable to speak.

The Baby had locked eyes with him and slide all the way up to him. The two had a stare off, and no one really found a reason to say anything. Then it turned from the Ensign and shouted, "DADDY!" Wrapping it's tentacles around Data in a hug, who was more than happy to turn the hug.

"Did it just call you Daddy?" Riker said, braking the silence.

"What else would it call me?"

"It came out of you."

"Well, I am male." Data said while pulling was from wire baby.

"I know, I am just saying-"

"Well, I am male."

"I get it. You're Daddy Data." Riker said, rubbing his forehead. Then, as if he just realized that it could be taken as mocking, ducked a little to take a hit.

"Well, I am male." The android respond.

Geordi sighed, "He is stuck in a loop again. Someone get some banana chocolate pudding."

"Why does Pudding work?" Riker said, and Geordi rolled his eyes.

"Do we really need to go over that again?"

"I guess not..." Riker said, remembering the long boring meeting that he stared either at the table or Troi.

"NO! NOT THE GREAT DEKU TREE!" Q shouted.

"Weren't you playing a xbox 360 a minute ago?" Riker asked.

"Quiet you!" Q said, as they were rocked by another explosion.

"Forgot about them..." Riker said as the red alert went off louder.

Data looked at the bowl of pudding in his hand, "I know what we will have to do." He looked down, "We will have to fire my baby at them."

"But Data-" Geordi said, but Data stopped him.

"It's for the greater good," Data said looking at the floor before raising his head with a Riker smile, "Plus it'll make a bitching explosion."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

A/n: So it has been a long time coming. But you can't have any of our drugs. Because it is the air we breathe. And LSDTS. Mostly LSDTS. Short for Lizard Sucking Ducks Through Straws. Very hard to find out side of your mother. Enjoy. And we will just add the second to this fic. Hope you like our ending. And if you don't...well, I am sorry. Well, not too sorry. And there is hurt, and no comfort. It is full of lies! Unless Worf counts. But I have no clue how that works. Any woo, have fun!

Data handed the wire baby a lolly pop. "Now you be a good boy and make that asshole ship go away." He cooed at it and then turned to Worf. "Load him." He said as Crusher busted on the scene.

"What the hell has been going on? No one has been answering my pages-"She started.

"Because I turned them off..." Data muttered to the baby, very lowly.

"There are about 30 people in my sick bay with broken noses, and a damn horse on the bridge. Can some please explain what is going on?" She looked at the rest of the senior staff, minus Picard and Troi.

"Weren't you at the meeting?" Riker asked, looking at her.

"What meeting?" Crusher asked, "Was it, lets not call Crusher and punch every ensign to make her job harder meeting."

"Someone is pmsing." Data said, which caused Geordi to snort.

"What is the point to having a senior meeting if no one shows up? They are not optional people!" Riker asked aloud, finally over the whole ordeal. He was going to have a long drink and find a hot ensign to make out with when this was all over, he decided. One with big tits. Size of his head big. She would keep him warm.

"What happened to Data?" Crusher rounded on Riker as though he was the cause of all her problems, "He's making jokes."

"That wasn't a joke. We all know how you get. And it is one word...Bitchy." Data said, with an attitude that would only be described as ghetto white trash. "I didn't feel like dealing with it. So there."

"You...You been punching people, haven't you?" Crusher asked, looking at Riker.

"Bev...You don't want to get into with him, trust me, I know." Riker said, rubbing his neck.

Crusher looked between the two men, then turned on Riker, "And what did you do with Wesley? He won't look me in the eye and tell me what happened. Just said you and Picard were asking him questions."

"We caught him masturbating." Data said, nodding to Worf to load the torpedo.

"I told you," Riker said, pushing pass her. "Are we ready Mr. Data?"

"Yea, Yea, keep your pants on," He looked at Crusher, "It isn't like anyone worth while is here."

"I am going to steal one of your hands the next chance I get, robot boy," Crusher said, finally having enough of Data's abuse.

Data at this moment, got hit with a mood swing that caused him to burst into tears, "I do not know why everyone hates me." He began to wail.

Riker looked at Crusher, "This is why you need to be at the meeting...He has post postpartum depression. Troi diagnosed it."

"Troi did? I AM THE MEDICAL OFFICER!" She shouted.

"WHICH IS WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN AT THE METTING! AND DATA ISN'T FUCKING HUMAN!" Riker had enough. When Riker has had enough, you know the party is over.

Crusher blinked a few seconds, surprised Riker had snapped back at her, and Data began to rant about how one day he would be a real boy and how he really wanted a cup cake.

"One day, when the blue fairy turns me into a real boy I will have a cup cake and all you fuckers will not bother me any more. And that Cup cake, Would taste ammmmazzzzing," he said in a Gir voice, (if you don't know look it up) "And no crappy space whale will eat me."

"Data, first of all, there are no space whales to eat you-"

"Yes there are! It tried to kill us, remember?"

"Goddammit. What is space, an ocean for freaks?" Riker asked a god, whom he was sure wasn't listening. "Yes Data, that whale tried to kill us. But he isn't the whale from Pinocchio. He didn't try to eat us. Now. Focus for me." Riker began to speak in a voice that sounded like he was talking to retard children. "There is a war ship outside, trying to kill us. You remember the bitching explosion you promise me. I would like to see it. Now. I need a bitching exposition."

Data forgot about his wailing and jumped right up. "I have to do one more thing before we do this!" He threw his finger into the air, got back into his heroic pose, then ran for the door.

"Sweet Zombie Jesus Christ on a pogo stick. Is he ever gonna give me the exposition?" Riker asked Geordi.

"I don't care any more. I am gonna drink before we are all dead." Geordi said, looking at Worf, "You coming?"

"Sounds like a plan. Today is a good day to die." Worf said, and the two headed for ten forward.

"No. NO this is not a good day to die!" Crusher started to rant, "I have a sick bay full of people and-" She didn't get to finish as suddenly Riker's lips where pressed over her own. His tongue in her mouth, and his hand gripping into her hair, holding her head in place. She hadn't been kissed in such a long time she gave into the sensations kissing back. When they broke apart both breathing heavy, Riker gave one of his shit eating grins.

"I don't know what the Captain sees in you." Riker said, pulling away. "Lets get a drink and toasted to the end of our existence." He said, patting her on the head.

"Was...was I at-"

"Like a dead fish." he said, turning to leave.

As Riker and Crusher got into Ten Forward, there was a sight that made the rest of this story, seems okay. It was Data. Mooning the other ship, his ass pressed against the glass as he was shouting the phase, "Bite my glorious golden ass!"

"Well. That seals it. We are so boned!" Riker said, taking his seat at the bar. "Gin. Your whole bottle."

The bartender nodded and gave him the bottle as the whole crew watched Data rub his ass over the windows shouting things about his rear. This continued for a few more moments before Data pulled his pants back up and tapped his combadge, "Now Ensign Ricky."

Ensign Ricky, still in horse form, hit launch button on the bridge. Picard silently wished he was dead while face palming. He did not want to deal with Worf going on about horse prints on the station. The war bird explosive, solve both problems with one big stone. Well. Yea. Both problems.

Data pulled his uniform jacket and got down off of the table at which two female ensigns were eating. "Sorry ladies." He said, before walking away from the two girls.

They looked at each other, then at their food which had boot prints. "Well," one of them said, "At least it was a glorious ass."

"I will drink to that."

Troi, who had been drinking since Data yelled at her, had enjoyed the show. She followed the science officer out of Ten Forward, and into the turbo lift. As Data ordered it to the bridge, she leaned on his arm, "So...Data."

"Yes Troi."

"What are you doing tomorrow after your shift?"

"Well I-" Data paused a second. "Troi...is that your hand on my rear?"

"Well, it is a glorious ass."


	11. Chapter 11

Just Another Day At The Office

The Sequel-TO THE EXTREME Revenge of the Sue

An/: WE ARE BACK BABY! Fair warning, Ensign Johnson name is just going to get longer. So if it ends with Johnson, it is the same character.

Prologue

Data pressed himself up against the turbolift, hoping she haven't seen him. _How did Riker ever keep up with that woman? _He thought to himself. She craves what no mortal man could do. And he was an android. He shouldn't be having this problem. After all, he had never had a problem keeping up with his lovers before, but Troi was able to out last him in anything they did together. He had made his escape into the turbolift in hopes to get a few minutes of peace.

The door opened and Data felt himself tense when a woman walked through. He relaxed when he realized it was Ensign Johnson, in all her raven haired, one blue eye that was almost like an ocean and one green eye dark like a forest in winter glory. "Morning Commander." She said, with a voice that sounded like bells being rung at dawn.

"Morning Ensign Mary Johnson." He said pulling himself up right like he had been standing like that the whole time. "How was the away mission? Did you find good artifacts to study?"

"Yes." She said in her bell voice, tapping the nap sack at her side the read in big bold letters, **Artifacts to study because I am so super smart**. "I just have to drop a few things off at my room, then off to the lab."

"Ah." Data said, not sure what else to say. Most of the men on the ship seemed to turn into drooling fools whenever they saw her. He always thought her butt was too flat. And she was too perfect. Not that he cared about those sort of things.

The lift moved, as if even the ship was in love with her and wanted to do anything to please her. Data found it annoying that the ship didn't bother to read his mind and help him out once in a while. They arrived at the floor that Ensign Mary Anne Johnson wanted go to.

"Would you like to come with me?" Ensign Mary Anne Sue Johnson asked her eyelashes fluttering with space dust as she blinked up at him. They appeared to get larger and almost doeish even though her eyes were a lovely teal and emerald respectfully.

"Um, I have to go to the...Bathroom," And with that Data fled down the corridor leaving a confused Ensign Mary Anne Sue Emily Johnson in his wake. She glided as if she was on a cloud to her room, as any man she passed in the hallway seemed to melt at the sight of her.

She went to her room and was greeted by her pet cat, who rubbed up against her legs, "Oh, Andy, why won't he look at me! Why do I have to be so ugly!" Her bell voice becoming more like church bells that announcing a death, and her perfect face bursted into tears, were she cried beautifully, not sloppy like other girls. "Why won't Ensign Ricky look at me!" She fell onto her bed and the cat at the foot at the end of the bed wondered, why I haven't been fed yet?


	12. Chapter 12

Just Another Day At The Office

The Sequel-TO THE EXTREME Revenge of the Sue

Chapter one

Riker rolled over in his bed. There was a lump of a woman next to him, who was, in fact, the ship's head medical office, Beverley Crusher. He curled his body around hers and smelled her hair. At least she always smelled nice. They had ended up seeing each other at least once a week, argued, and then end up in bed with another. The walk of shame would start in the next moment or two, when she realized what she had, yet again, done. Riker didn't really care. Women were women. Except Troi. She was the one that got away. She was getting better at the whole, being a lover thing. It was still like making love to a dead fish.

"Am I better?" Crusher asked mumbling into the pillow.

"Like a Catfish," and of course he had a shit eating grin, "That died a horrible death."

"I hate you."

"Is that why you come back for more? I mean, you have move up to two visits a week now. Captain," Riker stretched his arms out to pop his back. "Is clearly blind. He has no idea that we-"

"Are nothing, you pig." She said, getting up out of bed, and getting dressed in a hurry.

"Oh, so all the sex is just-"

"You are a real asshole, you know that right?"

"And you love it." She threw his jacket at him, and began to storm into his bathroom. All part of the walk of shame. All part of the way it always played , Riker never liked to cuddle. "You still seeing the captain for breakfast?"

"FUCK YOU!"

"I am ready for round two."

"You!"

"Oh Bev, don't be that way! You know I love it when you play the fish! It's the best part!" He called after her.

"What the hell does that make you then? A fucking necrophilia addict?" She shouted over the sonic shower.

"Such harsh words."

"Oh right you're just a sex addict so you'll fuck anything. What competition do to I have to be your bed partner? Maybe you think a power conduit is sexy enough for you?"

He had entered the bathroom and debated joining her in the shower. "Oh, but it won't be as firey as you."

"Fuck you." Riker had the feeling that he if joined her, she would scratch his eyes out. And he was turned on again. _Damn my raging limbo. _

"You are so sexy when mad." He was giving her that smile. She could feel it through the glass.

"Really?"

"No,"_I lie. I so lie._ Riker began to tapped the glass of his shower. "But I need you out of there, I need to shower before my shift."

"YOU ARE A PIG!" She shouted.

"YOU LOVE IT!" He matched her volume. She opened the door and stared at him, long and hard. Right as she was about to pull him into the shower, Riker's com went off.

"Commander," It was Data. _I am going to take him apart._ Riker thought to himself. "Riker, there has been indent with Ensign Mary Anne Sue Emily Lizzy Johnson, in science lab 6. We request your presence."

"Very well Data." He said, "Riker out." He looked at Crusher, "Well, duty calls. And it is hot duty."

"ARG!" She slammed the shower door shut.

"What?" Riker called as he went to change.

"I wanted-Never mind. You ruined it. Go see that Hussy."

"You are just mad she has a better rack than you!" He called, as he finished dressing and heading to Science lab 6.

The Lab was in a bit of chaos, as all the men who had been in a three room radius were surrounding Ensign Mary Anne Sue Emily Lizzy Raven Johnson, who was holding on to her wrist. Data was in the corner of the room, and Riker could have sworn that he would have looked annoyed, if he could. The only male in the room that wasn't looking at Ensign Mary Anne Sue Emily Lizzy Raven Diana Johnson was Ensign Ricky. _Huh,_ Riker thought_, Must be gay._

"Well, what happened?" Riker asked Data.

"Ensign Mary Anne Sue Emily Lizzy Raven Diana Donna Johnson, was looking at the artifacts she got from the away mission when," Data looked like he couldn't be more bored, which seemed to be the standard look for him. "They reacted to her. She started holding her wrist and-"

"Tried to get me to look at it. Then all the men showed up." Ensign Ricky finished.

"Okay any idea why they showed up?" Riker asked.

"No. It is not like they are actually helping." Data answered, "Can you get them to leave now?"

"Fine. I will clear them out and then we will talk to her."

"Great..." Data said, rolling his eyes.

Riker clapped his hands together, "Alright Ensigns, I need you all to clear out that are not involved with what happened with Ensign Mary Anne Sue Emily Lizzy Raven Diana Donna Lee Johnson." The large group of Ensigns turned on Riker, murder in their eyes. _Dammit._ "I mean, someone should get her some ice." The large group of males looked at each other, then rushed out of the room.

Riker looked at Ensign Mary Anne Sue Emily Lizzy Raven Diana Donna Lee Lucy Johnson and looked into her perfect face, and her perfect Blue eye like a warm summer day and her dreamy green eye like a forest lost in a thunder storm, "Now tell me what happened?"

"I was looking through the artifacts when a little spider bit me," Ensign Mary Anne Sue Emily Lizzy Raven Diana Donna Lee Lucy Lily Johnson said with her voice sounding like a bird singing during a beautiful sunrise, "I hope it's not radioactive."

"I doubt it is, Ensign Johnson," Captain Picard said, entering the lab, "Though you would remember that scanning the artifacts before walking around the ship with them is part of your duties." Ensign Anne Johnson looked down at her perfect hands, the left the one with a perfect pulsing spider bite. "You should get to sick bay, and have it looked at."

"Yes sir," Ensign Anne Lily Johnson meekly said sounding like a sweet singing mouse as she walked to the door, "Bye Ensign Ricky."

"Whatever," Ricky went back to work. He seemed to be glad to see Ensign Anne Lily Diana Johnson go.


	13. Chapter 13

Just Another Day At The Office

The Sequel-TO THE EXTREME Revenge of the Sue

Chapter two

Ensign Anne Lily Viridian Johnson felt like crying and all the fake plants in sickbay drooped feeling her sorrow. Ensign Ricky hadn't acknowledged her again. In fact he just ignored her all day. What was it that all other men noticed her, with her perfect breast to waist to behind ratio, her thick, raven locks, and deep forest green eye and deep sea foam blue eye. "It is because I am so ugly!" Her church bell voice rang out, as if it was toning for a death. "That is why Ensign Ricky can't look at me!"

"I think the spider bite is making you irrational," Dr. Crusher grumbled before jabbing Ensign Anne Lily Viridian Sue Johnson in the neck with a spray. Ensign Anne Lily Viridian Sue Raven Johnson stiffens for a second, before falling backwards on the bed, out cold. "Thank the Gods…" Crusher muttered to herself. Now she had to clear out all the men in her sickbay. "Nurse, we are going to need pots and pans."

"Tactic loud noise and threaten to beat them in commission," The nurse responded.

"Yes, you know the drill." Crusher said rubbing her forehead. The nurse had a little smile on her face, and began to clap her hands.

"We need room, back up, back up." She said, herding the large group of men out of the room. "You are sucking up all the air." It wasn't true, it was impossible, but they took it as the truth and began the mad rush out of the room. As the last men left, Riker walked in.

_Of course,_ Crusher thought, looking down at her feet. _The last person I wanted to see._

"Hello Doctor," He said in a very 20th century Earth fashion drawling out the hello like he wanted to whistle. _Pig. A Wako Pig._

"What can I do for you?"

He got close to her, uncomfortable close. "I was wondering how our little patient is doing."

"My patient is fine. We are treating her for the bite and sending on her way." Riker got a shit eating grin. _Damnit._

"Is that something that's going to start spreading, the frost bite? Should we cuddle up naked as a survival technique now?" He whispered in her ear.

"I didn't say frost bite. I said her bite, as in bug bite before you suggest something barbaric as sucking out the posion."

"Oh, and here I thought you liked sucking."

"Commander, I need to fill out my report, in my office. Have a good day." She turned, and walked in there, Riker following.

"So…."

"If you are going to suggest getting naked again, I will point out that there are windows and people can see us." She looked around the room, "And I'm working. And not interested."

"I love an audience."

"Of Corse you do. Because you are an egotist that only hears what you want to hear." She took a seat at her desk, "And I need to write my report."

"What if I want attention?" He had a pout. _God I hate it when he does that._

"Find a cactus." She had to say something to get her to leave her alone. She couldn't let him win.

"You are so cold and so fiery. It hurts my love." He turned on the smooter.

"Oh can it." She was trying not to laugh at him.

"You know you find me witty." He was leaning on her desk.

"What do you want?"

"You know." He was leaning in close.

"Get Out."

"Alright I'll be back to sex you up later." She groaned loudly. "So the girl, will she be alright?" Riker dropped the joke voice.

"Yes. The men folk will be drooling over her in no time." Crusher looked back at her desk, trying to get her desk in order.

"Awe yes the men folk drooling over a young thing like that, I can see why you're in a prissy mood," he smiled, "Too bad for them she's in love with a homosexual."

"Yes too bad," Crusher smiled back, "I really do need to write this. I'll see you later?"

"At some point," with a wink Riker walked away. Crusher shook her head and wondered where she went wrong with him. Or if it was she had gone right.

Troi was tapping her foot on the side of her stool. He was avoiding her. That was never a good idea. She was not one be ignored. She was watching the door and he was supposed to meet her. _He better show up._

Data walked in and Troi watched his strut. Not only was his glorious shinny ass part of her attraction to the android but her inability to instantly read him. She was a bit disappointed to clearly see he was agitated but then hopefully it was because it was over his lateness. "Troi. I have something to say."

"Oh?" She hoped it was something more than that. That she wanted to hear something from the Android about her.

"I find Ensign Anne Lily Viridian Sue Raven Sarah Johnson completely annoying…"

"Oh." She was disappointed.

"Is there a problem?" He sounded confused, as if he wasn't sure what she upset about.

"Yes." She shook her head, "She is a perfect officer. She has high marks from school, and all in all, there is no reason that you should find her annoying." She would make him feel bad, that would make it work.

Data knew he had miss-stepped. Troi was upset about something. And she was wearing a low cut suit. _ Oh dear, she must want to copulate with me again._ He shifted unsure of himself. "I suppose you are right. I am not sure what makes me….so…uncomfortable around her." He wanted to get out of there.

She grabbed his arm, "Perfect!" Troi looked at the bar keep, "Something to drink." She smiled but it fell when she watched a woman came into the room. That woman was Ensign Anne Lily Viridian Sue Raven Sarah Twilight Johnson and she was looking perfect with her deep ocean blue eye and deep forest green eye, her soft midnight locks dropping around her face. All the men looked at her, watching as she made her way up to the bar.

_Oh don't come over here._ Troi thought, watching as the girl came up to the bar, and then turned to her and Data, "Good evening," She said with her angel voice and Troi wanted to slap her. It was confusing because Troi really had no reason to want to hit her, other than her existing. But that, it seemed, was enough.

_It's on._ She thought to herself.


End file.
